Iâ€™m in the process of getting another set of postcards made of some of my digital work (the first set is here), so I thought Iâ€™d write a little about each image Iâ€™m including.
I mean, are there any two things that go together as well as a nice soothing bath, with scented soaps and maybe candles, and a large aggressive oceanic predator?
Wait â€¦ hang on â€¦ I think I may have spotted a minor flaw, here.
Squid live in the ocean. They like cold salty water, not warm soapy water! The soap might hurt their eyes, the water wouldnâ€™t have the right minerals, and if you like your baths hot, the squid might think you were preparing calamari. That would hurt itâ€™s feelings.
Okay â€¦ letâ€™s think â€¦ new, slightly revised, message: squid make great bath-time buddies, provided you use child-safe soap, and keep the water cold and salty.
Good. Iâ€™m glad we settled that. Now thereâ€™s no danger of your large aggressive oceanic predator with a beak like a bolt-cutter being made uncomfortable by the bath-time experience.
Uh-oh â€¦ another thought â€¦ about that beak â€¦ squid are actually fearsome predators. What if it gets hungry? Theyâ€™ve been known to have a go at people, which might put this timeless-message-that-I-think-speaks-to-all-of-us on a tricky legal footing.
Okay â€¦ donâ€™t worry â€¦ I’ve Googled it, and it turns out that divers who specialise in dealing with large squid wear a special mesh armour (itâ€™s actually anti-shark armour, but the squid donâ€™t know that). So simply pop a suit of chainmail on before your bath, and youâ€™re good to go.
So to recap: squid make great bath-time buddies, provided you use child-safe soap, keep the water cold and salty, and wear a chainmail suit (sold separately). Itâ€™s a timeless message that I think speaks to all of us.
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